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In
Doubt
By
Stephanie Thoma
If
there is a God.
If
there is a God that made the whole universe.
The
whole universe: time and space, the laws of physics that hold
them together, all those stars and solar systems and black holes,
and all those planets, including our own.
If
there is a God that made all that, including our planet.
Our
planet: with all its flowers and birds, its worms and ticks
and fleas, its cats and dogs, its horses and dolphins, its seas
and lakes and rivers, mountains and deserts, and all its peoples.
If
there is a God that made all those peoples.
All
those men and women: from the first Homo Erectus to the last
Homo Sapiens, every man and every woman and every child; black,
beautiful, white, yellow, red, ugly, smart, stupid, funny, loving.
If
there is such a God.
So
all-powerful, so all-knowing.
Why
would such a God regard any kind of love between consenting adults
as sin?
Presumably
it was that God, that all-powerful, all-knowing God that created
people just the way they are. Every single one.
And...
Why
should such a God care if we eat lobster or if we go to
church?
If
there is such a God, I guess It would care that we do love,
and that we do live, that we do not hurt one
another, but that we do respect each other and also that
we treat the rest of Its creation with respect.
When
I look at the stars, when I look at the blossoms in springtime,
when I cuddle my cat, when I lie in the arms of my husband, I
think I believe in God. I feel there is something good, something
alive, something alove that is in everything and holds even the
tiniest sand flea in Its ineffable hand.
When
I read the Bible, I can read many things in this book of all
books:
I
can read about how a woman should keep her head covered while
praying (1. Corinthian 11:5) and about kisses of love that taste
better than wine (Solomon 1:2). I can read about how missionaries
of other religions should be stoned to death (5. Moses 13:6-10)
and how sinners will never inherit the kingdom of God (1.
Corinthian. 6:9, 10). I can read about how I will be judged just
the way I judge others (Matthew 7:2) and about how only those who
are without sin ought to call another person a sinner: "He
that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at
her." (John 8:7)
There
is so much in the Bible.
Maybe
even God.
But
when I hear how some people use this book, "the Word of
God," how they use it to draw lines, to put themselves above
others, how they use it as a weapon against things and persons
they don't like or things and persons they fear or things and
persons they don't understand, how they use it to simplify
difficult questions...
...Then
I think sometimes, if that
is what God is, only those words, words that wound, words that
segregate and separate...
...Then
I'm not sure if I want to have anything
to do with such a God even if it exists.
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STEPHANIE THOMA is qualified to work as a lawyer and holds a Bachelor's Degree in political sciences and history. She is married with two cats and lives in Bavaria, Germany. Currently she is starting her own business as an infobroker and working on her first novel.
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