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Cover
Table of Contents
Editor's Notes
Donations
Submission Guidelines
Website

Stories & Essays
Balance
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By Alison Baumy
Contemporary Cultural Differences...
_ By Ninni Siurua
Eclipsed Yesterdays
_ By Clyde Windjammer
Healthy Guy
_ By David J. LeMaster
Immortalis Letum
_ By Sophie Davis
Last Call For Salvation
_ By Angela P. Markham
My Fault
_ By Ro Thorton
Pacific Northwest
_ By Aaron Hellem
Q-Q Ca Choo
_ By Billy Pilgrim
The Best Laid Plans
_ By John A. Ward
The Ecstasy of Cooking
_ By Sam Nolting
The Girl With the Green Umbrella
_ By J.R. Earlebeck
The Gods of Houston
_ By Rebekah Frumkin

Poetry
Athena's Owl
_ By Amberly Mason
But I Have Never Known This
_ By Kaleen Love
Clouds On Your Floor
_ By Savannah Bobo
Crowded Lobby
_ By M. Blair Spiva
Ever After
_ By Bennie Johnson
Important Questions
_ By P.T. Bell
Migration
_ By Sarah Wassberg
Moon Goddess
_ By Kristina Diane Smith
Oldest Profession
_ By Ashley Polker
On Visiting Hay-on-Wye
_ By M. Blair Spiva
Sodom and Gomorrah
_ By Jessica Fannin
Wal-Mart
_ By P.T. Bell

Art & Photography
Jeremy Harker
_ Paintings
Douglas C. Knight
_ Photography
Jed Knox
_ Paintings and Drawings
May Ann Licudine
_ Paintings
Danny Malboeuf
_ Paintings
Alex Stanbury
_ Photography

The Ecstasy of Cooking
By Sam Nolting


The Ecstasy of Cooking: An Unofficial Guide to the Flavorful Preparation of Certain Edible Celestial Beings
By Felmini Horbazzi
Translated and annotated by Samuel Nolting

Chapter the First: Forewarned is Forearmed
The goal of this work is to provide a brief overview and a small selection of examples of the wonder that is divine cookery. No beverage cleanses the palate as does a hint of Ofanite angel, while no spice can fully capture the zest and sting of a well and truly damned Hell-spawn. The full range of flavors and sensory delights offered by this difficult yet rewarding practice cannot be overstated; however, it is easy to quickly become “out of one’s depth,” so to speak. Always make sure your pentagram is fully contiguous, and if you have been imbibing overmuch of sacramental wine, consider appointing a designated summoner.

Before proceeding further, it is important to note that not all recipes presented herein are guaranteed kosher; ichor does not drain with the ease of terrestrial blood, and there is some doubt among philosophers as to the precise spiritual legality of the consumption of divine beings, per se.

With this in mind, it is essential to verify, prior to preheating the oven, that the preparation area is equipped with a lightning rod capable of harmlessly redirecting at least twelve megavolts of divine fury. The righteous anger of a wrathful God can distract even the most dedicated of chefs—it may be instructive to recall the lesson of the late Invorr Betszstoffsky, whose soufflé did not rise.

Finally, for information on the capture and cleaning of the more popular divine and infernal entities (an involved topic too complex to discuss at any length in this modest tome), please consult Galmer’s Pray for Prey: Angel-Hunting for the Discerning Infidel or Fxnblnkcxsznzikkk’s authoritative Demonomnicon: How to Smoke the Ungrateful Bastards.

Chapter the Second: Ingredients
The primary ingredient in any of the dishes featured here is, of course, some form of extraplanar being—in layman’s terms, either an angel or a devil. A word of warning: the flavor of such entities is invariably strong, and has the potential to completely dominate an entire meal. Small quantities are suggested; in fact a single cherub, properly cured, may last for several weeks, depending on the diner’s preference and sensitivity to taste.

 

Selected Favorites, with Notes for Preparation

Seraphim – These are the most holy of angels, closest to God. Some Seraphs may be found in the form of a serpent; in such an event, be reassured that they will taste remarkably like chicken. It is said that not even the Cherubim—not to be confused with baby angels, who are also referred to as cherubs (perplexing at first, but with some practice the more-experienced cook can always tell the difference)—may look upon them, such is their fiery splendor. A welding mask is recommended. Even a bound Seraph’s radiance can be deadly, so be sure to extinguish it prior to cooking. Blessed ice works well. Do not inform the priest of the use to which you will be putting the ice until after the blessing is completed.

Cherubs – These baby angels are depicted widely in art. Plump and juicy, they are often the epicurean diner’s first choice at a well-stocked buffet. A number of excellent sauces are suggested, but the rich flavor of these angels is such that the very basic Cherub Chip is a party favorite. Other succulent possible dishes include cherub fritters, Chocolate-Covered Cherub Chunks, cherub-flavored ice cream, and, of course, cherub fingers.

Gregori – These fallen angels, also termed the Watchers, have a distinct, smoky tang, perfect for burgers. This unique meat also appears in the delicious medley of the Good Shepherd’s Pie (see Chapter III).

Jesus – Many believe that the flesh of Christ is restricted only to dry church wafers. On the contrary, after a brief and relatively simple ritual, reminiscent of the old standby of the loaves and fishes, copious amounts may be duplicated from a single piece—fresh and crisp, this goes fantastically with salads. Great for bar mitzvahs! Another favorite is, of course, the kebab. After a slow marination and roasting, simply affix the pieces using tiny nails and

(Translator’s Note: At this point the text abruptly ends.)


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SAM NOLTING was born at a young age in Berkeley, California. In elementary school he was terrified of writing assignments. Something finally snapped, and after 14 years of writer's block, he began churning out embarrassingly atrocious prose. Since then nothing has changed, save a pileup of form rejection letters.

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